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Should This Couple Reconcile After Husband’s Affair?

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9 Jan It's one of the most hurtful things a lover and partner can do to you: Cheat. But now that it's out in the open -- do you stay or leave?. 21 Nov Trying to decide if you should leave the marriage or stay? I, too, still loved my husband, although never the same way as before the affair, but I know I would have never been happy with anyone else. .. We had two young girls, my wife was the last person that I thought would have an affair, but she did. 20 May My husband suspected what was going on and, as his distrust of me grew, so did any last remnant of hope of saving our marriage. But the guy that I was having an affair with had made an 'open marriage' work; he and his wife were having affairs with both knowing about the other. They had three kids, one.

Is staying in a marriage after an affair stupid?

Husband Had Affair Should I Leave

How do you approach these harsh and uninformed judgments many have to deal with? The ability to forgive and reconcile comes from a place of maturity, wisdom, intelligence and strength — nothing less. It takes greater strength of character to rebuild a marriage after an affair, than to just give up and quit. Smart people are able to refrain from making emotional decisions, seek wise counsel, and discern the difference between a marriage worth staying in, or one that it is best to leave.

If you really love your spouse, and your spouse expresses genuine remorse and is willing to do their part in rebuilding the marriage, there are greater rewards in staying than there are in giving up.

I wonder how can those who just throw in the towel like big babies, giving up what they really want in life because there is a major obstacle in the road, have any self-respect? In my situation, the other woman was bound and determined to marry my husband.

Should This Couple Reconcile After Husband’s Affair?

I blame my husband, but in my case she was the pursuer in the affair relationship. She wanted my life.

Perhaps, if their choice is based on grounded inward principles not shame drivenif they accept that the behavior of the spouse may not change not manipulativeand if they can be content with their choice despite the circumstances not resentful. And in the end, it all came to naught anyway. How often should I go to marriage counseling? There is no straightforward formula for deciding if a marriage is worth fighting for.

She was banking on the fact that as soon as my husband told me of the affair, I would be so mad that I would just throw him out, making it easy for her to take over my life. If I view myself as a woman who is worthy of deep love from Husband Had Affair Should I Leave man, how can I not even be willing to give some time to my decision of whether or not I want to stay?

The ability to forgive a spouse, heal a marriage and become a better stronger person through the pain takes a smart, mature, and good person and if you are lacking wisdom, strength and maturity, you can article source them through the process.

One of the biggest rewards I earned for staying and working it out was the respect of our then teenagers. You and Dad worked out your problems. We really respect you for that! They earn it by making the hard choices to do the right thing. It was not an intentional act of disrespect towards me.

Of course if he was continuing to have affairs and I stayed in the marriage that would be different, but he has done everything any man could ever do not only to make it up to me, but to become a better, stronger man himself and to ensure it never happens again. A vice president of a large corporation once made a huge mistake, which literally cost the company millions of dollars.

As a result he and everyone else assumed he would be fired. Husband Had Affair Should I Leave also my husband made the biggest relationship mistake possible for which he has paid a huge price and become a much better man as a result. What would be smart about that?

How could I respect myself for that? Twenty years have now passed. They are still in their second marriages, but they still talk to each other. My relative greatly regrets her decision. Both her and her first husband agree today that they love each other more than their current spouse, but confess because of making quick and emotional decisions in the heat of the moment without gaining proper perspective first, they are now stuck in marriages to second best.

Twenty years have past and the initial trauma and emotions have subsided. Article source was stupid to get divorced over the affair.

Is staying in a marriage after an affair stupid?

I gave up what really matters to me in life, and I deeply regret making such an important Husband Had Affair Should I Leave in my life while I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I say how could my self-esteem be so low as to not be smart enough to stand up and fight for what I really want? How could my self-esteem be so low as to not be willing to grow into a better person and learn how to overcome major pain and learn how to build a better marriage? How could my self-esteem be so low as to be a quitter, without first giving my marriage at least a chance when I really love my husband?

Of course, everyone has a choice and I respect and promote individual choices especially when it comes to infidelity, but being able to forgive, heal a marriage and overcome problems is a sign of strength of character and is for heroes. The wisdom and love it takes to heal a marriage after an affair is something to be proud of. Daring to make your own choice and do what you really want is to be commended and respected. This is neither stupidity nor low self-esteem.

Is staying after an affair stupid? It takes a smart, sharp, and wise woman or man. Being smart is not in the staying or in the going. No woman or man, who chooses to stay, with a good man or woman who takes responsibility for their actions and does the work to heal the marriage, should ever think of themselves as stupid.

Stupidity is breaking up a family if you love the person and they truly change their ways. Stupidity is Husband Had Affair Should I Leave the financial loss of divorce and being alone, if you are married to a good, who did a bad thing.

Kudos to all the SMART men and woman who were able to successfully rebuild a better stronger marriage on the other side. Type the characters above: By Anne Bercht Question: Posted on October 6, at 5: Why should I work on myself? What are the Stages of Healing from Infidelity? What I accomplished in the year following D-day Does your attitude make a difference when surviving infidelity?

Where should I be on my healing journey one year after disclosure? What happens if the cheating spouse loves the other link or man? Can you heal your relationship if your spouse is not remorseful?! Reclaiming the Affair Territory! What are Healthy Boundaries?

Affair Recovery Specialists

How is Your Marriage Today? Should I get my spouse tested for STDs before being intimate with them after an affair?

Each time I sit across the room from a marriage that has bleeding from the deep wounds of an affair, I long to help them find a way toward recovery. When he didn't drink it was like I had my best friend again and we had a blast. They had three kids, one very disabled, and wanted to keep the family unit together.

What if my wife wants to read emails from an affair? Gayle Ruud Is it possible to heal after an affair if your spouse stays with the affair partner? How do you make it through the pressure of the holidays after an affair? How to Rebuild Your Marriage Is staying in a marriage after an affair stupid? What are Appropriate Boundaries for Marriage? How dare someone treat you that way! By Anne Bercht — June 17, Can wives prevent husbands from having affairs?

By Anne Bercht — June 17, What happens if the cheating spouse loves the other woman or man? What are the factors that affect length of time to heal from an affair? How long does it take to heal?

Husband Had Affair Should I Leave

What if you might be facing a divorce? How to heal your marriage after an affair How do you stay positive while healing from an affair? How to discuss the affair Surviving Infidelity Forum Trusting again after infidelity How do you motivate your husband to talk? Sign up for our Newsletter- Rebuild your life today.