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The Unique Tensions of Couples Who Marry Across Classes - The Atlantic

5 Apr In her book The Power of the Past, the sociologist Jessi Streib shows that marriages between someone with a middle-class background and on white, heterosexual, upper-middle-class couples in stable relationships, so her conclusions are not necessarily generalizable outside of this group. But her. 19 Jul Other people: friends and relatives love giving their two cents when we're dating someone new, but be certain to manage the tone of those conversations. If you're dating someone of a different socio-economic status be careful of falling into stereotyped ways of talking with friends and family, or endorsing it. 2 Oct But Birger also suggests that this "man shortage" might result in a surprising trend : women dating outside their class and education levels. "These lopsided Navigating a relationship where your outlooks about money differ can exacerbate the tension of dating someone of a different economic status.

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The Unique Tensions of Couples Who Marry Across Classes

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As a community, we're not set up for screening each funding request [more]. Dating someone outside my social "class". I am a 19 year old female student, currently studying at what most people consider a prestigious, "academic" university in the US. I am very ambitious and was brought up in a loving, upper-middle class family. I realize this Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class not a long enough time to cement lifetime dedication or anything of that sort; I am very realistic about this relationship and although I can't predict the future, I don't know if I will end up staying with him forever, marrying him, etc.

My boyfriend grew up in a lower class household and does not have any college education. His family situation is not ideal and he doesn't speak to a lot of his close family members. He lives about 30 minutes away and is currently in the US army.

My university friends are shocked whenever I tell them this. All everyone here cares about is dating a wealthy or famous guy who will 'take care' of them. That's really not for me, after having grown up with kids like that my entire life.

I truly love and care for my boyfriend.

Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class

I don't think I'm "better" than him or Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class of that sort. I am not dating him because I have some inferiority complex what one of my friends suggested, to my disgust.

They ask me why I don't date a 'nice guy' from our university instead. Don't get me wrong, I know I am fully capable of doing so, I just don't want to because I have a boyfriend who I love, very much. We always pay for things evenly and although we have talked bluntly about wealth, it has never been a point of tension for us.

He makes me laugh, he gets my dumb jokes, he is unbelievably kind and supportive and I count myself very lucky for having met him. For a while I just ignored all the thinly-veiled elitist comments from my friends, but I can't stop thinking about it. Is it possible for us to have a long-term future when we have such different life goals?

He is extremely intelligent and is interested in lots of things, but having grown up with barely anything, he seems to be okay with a very low-key life which is completely understandable.

I on the other hand, take risks and only want to stop when I know I've done my absolute best to succeed in my field. We make jokes about him article source a stay at home dad while I am the "breadwinner", but I wonder if he means it.

I want him to follow his dreams and passions, whatever they may be. I don't want him to settle for living for the sake of living, but I know it is unrealistic to change someone's life view like that, especially when I don't even know firsthand what he went through growing up. First off, I'm sorry that you have to deal with your social circle being so crappy about something that seems petty.

Tell your rude friends that it's none of their business, and encourage him to participate in things with your family. click

The Truth About "Mixed-Collar" Dating — From the People Who Make These Relationships Work

The best thing for you to do is not worry too much about it. You're both young, you have a lot of personal growth ahead of you, and things working out will be based on a lot of circumstances that you can't change or plan Enjoy your relationship for as long as it continues to make you happy.

The only thing that should matter is how you and he feel about the differences in your socioeconomic backgrounds. If you both are squared away it doesn't really matter. One problem that could possibly come up in the future is whether your idea of where he should be in life matches up with his and the other way around. But this could happen regardless of your individual backgrounds.


If his dream is to be a stay-at-home dad, and you're cool with that then you'll probably make a great team. If you're frustrated by his lack of tapping into his potential or he grows some bit of resentment then it's going to be a bumpy ride. This isn't a Dickens novel. You're welcome to date as 'high up' or as 'low down' as however you wish. It's sexist and classist to assume women have to marry up, and that people are giving you crap for it.

All that matters is that you're happy and he's happy, and it sounds like that's the case. That's what I thought. I didn't even know this sentiment existed so Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class outside of cultures that are still into things like arranged marriages and such. Don't underestimate the upper middle class. I feel like that's the difference between the upper class and the upper middle class, especially with this click to see more of STEM new money multi millionaires.

With the upper class, there's wastefulness, sometimes a bit of ignorance, but with the upper middle class, they are perhaps not as wasteful or spoiled, but definitely a lot more snobby regarding education and wealth. It does in the UK but it's more subtle than it was. Class is a huge deal here compared to places like the US.

Well, I'm from a similar upbringing Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class you, OP.

All that matters is the way you make for yourself, the way that he makes for himself. To a degree, this trend makes logical sense. I am very ambitious and was brought up in a loving, upper-middle class family.

My family has money. I had a very privileged upbringing. I went to top tier universities for undergrad and grad school. I am now married to a musician with an art degree who makes significantly less than I do. I'm a STEM grad in a cushy research job. My parents are less than thrilled with our union because they are worried he can't take care of me. From a financial standpoint, I get that.

But I make enough for us to get by in our very expensive city. Here's the issue I see, OP. If you're not reasonably well matched based on life goals and ambitions, then you're not gonna make it. Whoever gets held back is going to be resentful.

But if both of you feel like you have ample support to achieve and Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class in each others' successes, then you can do very well. Okay, so his family didn't go to college. But is it something your boyfriend would consider after he's done with his enlistment? I've met plenty of veterans who were very successful students because they came to college with more maturity and discipline. G'day ladies, im a guy in Australia I'm 25 btw and i aint gonna bullshit ya but I'm pretty well off but in the whole scheme of things that doesn't matter a fuck excuse my language.

I've read all these comments so far and this girl is the shortest and the most to the point "AmberHeartsDisney". I can see this being more of an issue for him than you. It might be hard for him to see Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class close how much easier life seems for people with family money. Thanks for your reply! This was definitely something I was concerned about. Since my parents are abroad, they have not met him yet - read article father is incredibly overprotective of me, so only my mother knows about him.

Both my parents grew up very poor and built their way up to success so they would never, ever, intentionally make him feel uncomfortable.

Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class

My parents want me to be happy and do not care about anyone's including any boyfriends social class or background as long as they are good and honest people. However, I can see them wanting someone who can "support" me for when I get married or commit myself long-term to someone.

Veterans are more likely to have a college degree and meaningful employment that civilians. Statistically, seeing your boyfriend is intelligent and most likely humble and a hard worker, people saying he can't provide if thats what you're afteror that you won't be compatible don't know what they're talking about.

I mean it, they are completely clueless, don't listen to their crap. Its none of their business anyway. You have very little to loose pressing forward in the relationship, and everything to gain. No, they are not clueless. She said it herself, he lacks ambition. When you don't have the drive to move up you will never get their. I don't know if this has anything to do with his upbringing, but its certainly Dating Someone Outside Your Social Class red flag.

The fact he's comfortable being a stay at home dad and it doesn't sound like she even knows what his goals are; it sounds like he's complacent. Now if you just want to live the same life every one else is living that's fine, but it sounds like op has higher goals than mediocraty.

I'm in a similar position, only I'm the one from a lower class background. My boyfriend is definitely middle class, and I know his friends will never accept me. They make me feel stupid and like a bit of a joke, but he has never made me feel like that.

I wouldn't take their opinion too seriously. How much money do you really need to be happy? Her mom and dad love click, they have taken me on family vacations for years now. Gradually my lifestyle habits were eroded and most things were done his way. I've lived in a hostel with my whole family for years.

I'm not really sure how to help you, as I am still looking for help myself!