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Debbie in LA: Online Dating - Ep. 1

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Soon, I will have been alive a full quarter-century. In the words of my generation…dude, this sucks.

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I was a precocious little kid. I picked things up quickly in high school. I had a good head on my shoulders in college. Your twenty-fifth birthday is a time to take stock of your life.

It is a time to decide whether investing your money wisely or drinking until you vomit is appropriate behavior for someone of your advanced age. In essence, twenty-five is the time to choose between growing up and throwing up. When I have dinner, I sit hunched over on a sofa bed in the halogen bulb-lit common room of my apartment eating take-out off of an IKEA coffee table while sipping grocery-store brand cola out of gas station souvenir glasses adorned with football helmets from teams that have since relocated.

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I guess the more important question is, why I am still going to the same bar? Then how come every time I call your cell phone, you pick up whispering in the library? In Cat Hookup Profile Pepperoni Bread From Scratch few months, my law school friends will have real, hard-core jobs for the first time in their lives. It just keeps getting harder and harder until you either go crazy or become a doctor, whichever comes first.

All I hear from my med school friends these days is complaining about how early they have to get up for their rotations and how tedious their lives have become.

You knew this was going to happen all along. You took bio in college. You studied for the MCATs. With all this unexpected stress in their lives, some of my med school friends recently decided to do something very unusual: Little did they know that not everyone would be very receptive to their pale presence on the beaches of Acapulco. My friend Triplet 3 soon to be Dr. Triplet 3was Cat Hookup Profile Pepperoni Bread From Scratch small talk with some chick at a club.

He asked her where she went to school. She told him Eastern Michigan University, and then asked him where he went to school. He told her he already graduated and was now in medical school. Wow, that was hard for me to even type! How did it happen? Well, we were united by a mutual love of Family Guy, drink specials, this web page made with four cheeses, and bad weather since we both work from home and enjoy the suffering of others.

She has to be. After all, I refuse to dance. I have no sense of direction. I have terrible posture. I read the instruction booklet cover to cover before playing a new video game. I hate shaving more than once a week. I hate her cat. I hate all cats.

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One of my armpits is hairier than the other. I need all the bills in my wallet arranged facing the same way and in denomination order at all times. I strongly prefer my honey mustard with more honey than mustard. And when I tell stories at continue reading I tend to gesticulate wildly and knock over nearby beers.

Next month, my first friend from high school is getting married. Ironically enough, the other day, as I was vainly trying on my old tux for the big occasion, a friend forwarded me a porn site — with what looked like another girl from my high school getting violated six ways to Sunday.

It just goes to show the wide spectrum of the twentysomething mentality. Some of us are on our knees popping the question, while others of us are on our knees…. That makes me feel old. Sadly, my fraternity at Penn, after a glorious and lecherous year run, was just kicked off campus. In a way, I feel like my own inner frat boy has been kicked off campus as well. But not everything has been negative, however. When I performed recently at Indiana University, it seemed like before the show everyone in the audience was a little, well, off.

How awesome is that? You see, there is hope after all. I was at a bar a few weeks ago and some dancing drunk girl knocked into my arm which caused me to jerk my hand up and chip a tooth on my Amstel Light. Never did I think that I would be able to hold more liquor now than I could in the dog days of college.

Of course, the side effect is that my hangovers are twice as brutal.

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My buddy Claudio got so bombed recently, he actually threw up two days later. What would I even tell the kids? That if they study hard, when they get to be my age they can still go on spring break, bang older chicks, become a lawyer or a doctor, cause bodily injury while partying, get married, appear in online porn videos, or drink themselves into hangover-comas every other weekend?

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I still think that box wine is an appropriate gift. But it is time to look ahead. But other people can use it. One whose lid answers only to me.

It may seem silly to some, but to me, having a virgin bowl marks Cat Hookup Profile Pepperoni Bread From Scratch success in this world. It means wealth, power, and cleanliness. Imagine if there was cheese or something that was both Atkins-friendly and brightened your smile? This is something I never understood. The Jews would have gotten to go free and no innocent cattle or first-born children would have had to die. I mean, come on God, eliminate the middleman.

You know that compliment I just gave you? I take it back. Sharing a locker room with naked, unusually hairy men? How about we all start using it and see what happens? Last week, I click here him if he knew when he last paid the cable bill.

What is the significance of click time in my life? Kibble minus the beefy bits. He was going out to lunch one day with a few co-workers, all wearing the standard blue Banana Republic shirt, gray J. I have one buddy in particular that possesses the one trait that all guys wish they had — the ability to get laid any night of the week. The easiest way to do this of course is to throw a bunch of paper around your desk to make it look really messy and keep a complicated looking document up on your computer screen.

I remember because I had this amazing porterhouse the night before. You gotta click the bastard. Every photo has two things in common: Since we are unable to come up with a fair way to divvy them up, the pile just keeps growing. Triplet 2 once asked Brian what we were going to do about the pictures when we move out.

With that in mind, try not to let the inevitable setbacks of twentysomething life get you down. After much negotiation, consensus was reached, the embargo was lifted, and we agreed to split the responsibility in the future. Click are ringing off the hook, people are yelling, but your Herman Miller chair is the most comfortable bed in the world.

I just left the last empty roll hanging on the dispenser and waited to see if Brian would go and buy more himself. But he never said anything. After a day or so, Http:// took some rolls from my girlfriend and hoarded them in my closet for my own use.

Meanwhile, I had no idea what he was using in the bathroom.

After a week, Brian finally asked me what the hell was going on. Apparently he had just been using tissues from his room. After much negotiation, consensus was reached, the embargo was lifted, and we agreed to split the responsibility in the future.

The tiniest little things make them happy. My mom just got a new cell phone. Is that to reinforce the point that the statement we just heard has little to no relevance and that the entire conversation up to this point has in fact been one huge waste visit web page time? Have you ever not checked your email until like noon and you have about 57 messages, 51 of which are from your friends?

And you think to yourself, wow, imagine if we knew how to conference call! After all, for the past four years, that guy was me, so I empathize. I turned around and saw that the entire place was filled with people studying — med school kids in fact. Is nothing sacred anymore? It was like a fucking study lounge in there. In other words, the best is yet to come. Sharing my early twenties Cat Hookup Profile Pepperoni Bread From Scratch all of you has been an especially amazing experience.

Looking back, I think that our early twenties are marked by size, or rather lack thereof. We are trapped in tiny cubicles and living in cramped apartments, earning small salaries and getting laid way too little.

But we still dream big. With that in mind, try not to let the inevitable setbacks of twentysomething life get you down. This is my nocturnal admission.