What to do about someone who is mean to you but nice to others
10 Ways to Deal with Negative or Difficult People
Nothing. The way other people treat you, good or bad, is ALWAYS all about them, not you. You have zero control over how anyone treats you. But what you can control is your own time and attention. That's where your personal power lies, because nobody can take those things from you unless you give it to them. When someone repeatedly drains everyone around them, how do you maintain a sense of compassion without getting sucked into their doom? And how do you .. Of course it is nicer if we deal with our issues in constructive ways, but that doesn' t mean negative emotions should be banned all together. In that way you try to. I don't know about you, but my favorite ways of reacting to mean people are (1) getting mean right back or (2) lying down quietly to display the word welcome! written where my spine used to be. Annoyingly, my job She looked at me with alarm, then cautiously asked, "Mom, do you know what fiction means?" In retrospect, I.
The song resonates with me, too, so much so here I find myself madly rummaging through my purse for my sunglasses, not wanting the carpool to see me choked up.
I particularly like the end of this version. Most of us use avoidance as our chief strategy for dealing with unkindness, steering clear of the mean person at all costs.
Do a self-soothing exercise. For instance, a wife hits her shin against a piece of equipment in the garage and then yells at her husband and blames him for stuffing the garage full of equipment. He travels a lot, and when he is here, the tv is on and the house is a mess.
But this strategy is neither practical nor effective, as it is often impossible to avoid a person completely and usually leaves us cowering in fear. Fortunately, there is a better approach.
First, remember that you can control your response when someone does or says something mean. We may not be able to control much about our life circumstances, but with practice we can see more how we respond to those circumstances.
I once got a horrible voicemail from a neighbor. In it, she called me a fraud and my blog a joke, and told me to stay away from her children.
Though she seemed high-functioning to the outside world, she seemed pretty unstable to me. My instinct was to fight back—to expose her craziness to the world, to tell everyone how insanely mean she was. Sally had the opposite instinct around the girl who teased her in PE. She let this particular mean girl boss her around, hoping against hope that she would eventually relent.
advice for dealing with mean people
Neither of these responses—attacking back or becoming a spineless doormat—are constructive ways to cope. The most effective response to meanness is compassion.
Bullying: Why People Say Mean Things To You.
Where there is meanness, there is often a lot of pain, both in the unkind person and for the person on the receiving end of a mean joke, comment, or email.
Take care of your own pain first.
The Ultimate Source for Understanding Yourself and others
When I got the crazy-neighbor voicemail, I was shocked, and hurt I cared what she thought of meand, frankly, scared. Before you attack back, let yourself feel what is going on.
You May Also Enjoy. We are considerate of others in our day to day actions and make every effort not to be a burden on those we care about. Is it a matter of giving up on this kind of person who just seems to possibly like the attention?
Sometimes I have to say it out loud. The key is not to deny what we are feeling, but rather to accept it. Take a moment to be mindful and narrate your emotions: This embarrassment is excruciating.
I am so frightened right now. Hang in there with unpleasant feelings at least long enough to link them. If you can do this, more power to you. You will survive the discomfort of your hurt feelings.
It is perfectly normal to feel bad when someone wounds you. Once you practice this sort of self-compassiontake the next step: See mean people for what they really are —wounded and tiny and probably threatened. Frightened mice masquerading as roaring lions.
When I suggested to Sally that her unkind classmate was probably insecure or threatened by her, Sally insisted that just the opposite was true. But then I had them recall the last time each of them was a little mean to a classmate or sibling. How did you feel right before click here did it? They felt small, or frustrated, or humiliated, so they did something that might make link feel big or important or powerful.
Finally, fight fire with water by sending loving thoughts to the people who hurt you. This is an advanced technique, but I can almost promise that it will make you feel better.
May you be healthy and strong. When we send well-wishes to the hurting people who want us to share their pain, we are able to rise above their suffering. We regain our true power. After all, it is only when mean people actually are happy and free from suffering that they will stop trying to take us down with them. She is the author of The Sweet Spot: Christine Carter Christine Carter, Ph. You May Also Enjoy. Get the science of a meaningful life delivered to your inbox.