Can Men & Women Be JUST Friends?
3 ways opposite-sex friends can hurt your marriage
Two years ago I met my friend D when our sons became best friends at school. Right from the start, it felt like comfy old friends for both of us. I've never had a friendship like this before. We both just really really like each other as people. There's nothing romantic going on. I know this because we've talked. 31 Mar A relationship with the opposite sex can only go so far before it starts infringing on the covenant of your marriage. 11 Aug While the friendships were great during singlehood, in marriage, these relationships may prove problematic. “I think it is okay for married people to have opposite-sex friends,” says Lisa Stewart. “However, I believe out of respect for your spouse that even if you were close friends before the marriage, there.
Is it wrong for a married person to have a friend of the opposite sex?
While my spouse was away on a week-long missions trip, I enlisted a male friend from work to come over and help me care for our eighteen-month-old daughter. In the process, we ended up watching movies together or working on office-related projects after my daughter went to bed.
Can Men & Women Be JUST Friends?
When my husband came home, he was very unhappy about this and expressed fear that I might be involved in an affair. He seems to think it's impossible for two adults of the opposite sex to have a non-sexual relationship. He's even asked that I never spend time with this co-worker again. I'm cooperating with his request, but I can't help feeling resentful of his unfounded suspicions. What do you think? In our opinion, inviting a male co-worker over to your home while your husband was out of town represents a clear violation of appropriate boundaries.
How Opposite-Sex Friendships Can Ruin Your Marriage
Obviously, many married individuals enjoy healthy, non-romantic friendships with individuals of the opposite sex. But it's crucial to handle these relationships wisely and to keep your eyes wide open for hidden pitfalls. If you want to preserve the health of your marriage, you need to place protective "boundaries" on these relationships.
The truth is that it's far easier than you may think to cross the line from a platonic friendship into a seemingly "harmless" romance. The danger is especially high when you and the here in question have a great deal in common. If these shared interests and compatibility of temperament lead you to entertain "innocuous" thoughts such as, "This person understands me far better than my spouse," you're already treading on treacherous ground.
We realize, that from your perspective, the visits with your co-worker were completely innocent.
We don't doubt that they were. But your husband was obviously wounded by your actions. It may have been an overreaction to accuse you of having an affair, but you have to try to put yourself in his shoes. If you had gone on a missions trip for a week and Opposite Sex Friendships Outside Of Marriage home to learn that he had invited a female co-worker over to "watch movies together," how would you have felt?
What if this co-worker happened to be a very attractive woman? Would it reassure you to be told that the relationship was completely platonic? The Bible gives us some clear guidelines about our behavior with persons of the opposite sex. It's clear that your marriage is very important to you. Since this is the case, we'd encourage you to put aside your resentment and talk things through with your husband.
Acknowledge that you made a mistake by inviting the co-worker over.
Keeping your opposite-sex friends after you say "I do"
Reassure your husband of your love for him. If he is unable to "let it go," it may be because there are some deeper trust issues that the two of you need to work through. If you think this might be an area needing attention, we'd recommend you make an appointment with a good marriage therapist in your area.
Other people's fears are their fears. Yeah, talk with it to your husband, and there is always the old tired advise to try couple's therapy, not to fix a problem, but to give you more tools. But mostly i need a listener.
Our Counseling department here at Focus on the Family can provide you with referrals to qualified professionals practicing in your area. Our counselors would also be happy to discuss your questions with you over the phone if you think this might be helpful.
Contact us for a free consultation. It Could Happen to You.
You know, this is a good point. No matter how harmless it may seem. I met my best male friend, Aidan, at age
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